Talking with a shop assistant, she was asking me about the scar I have on my throat.
I was explaining to her how after my accident I once needed a trachea so that oxygen could be pumped into my lungs as I couldn’t breathe for much of the time I was in hospital.
She looked at me seriously and said.
“Oh, and can you breath now?”
Since everything’s been said and done; there’s really no point in quoting oneself when you can more easily copy what somebody else said.
It gives you much more credibility to quote someone else anyway.
People say “Oh, aren’t you smart” when you quote someone else; but tell you how to improve it (or argue with you), if you’ve quoted yourself.
So, it’s best for me; I’ve decided, to never say anything that I believe to be original.
Everything I say from now onwards is going to be somebody else’s quote.
And we’ll start with Oscar Wilde.
“Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.”
Dear God,
I’m sorry I’m so late. Well I’m not ‘really’ late. We don’t have an appointment of anything but I know I’ve got an open invitation to come and see you whenever I like. And I told you more than a while ago that I would come by and spend some time with you.
I wanted to show you what I’ve been doing, maybe get some advise from you about it. Or mabye you could teach me something. You’re always wanting to teach me something.
But God, you know. It’s just be so busy this year. We have 3 New Years celebrations in this country did you know? And these New Years are interspersed with other holidays like Christmas and Easier. So you can see how busy it’s been for me.
And on top of all that, I have to spend hours each day browsing web pages, playing chess, writing my blog and looking up ‘possible’ future wives on MySpace.
I promise I’ll make more of an effort and try to go meet up with you as soon as I can. I’d go today but the holidays and celebrations have just ended and there’s so much to catch up on.
When all that’s cleared away. I swear I’ll come and sit with you.
Your Pal,
~ Nathaniel
God, I’m tired. The last few weeks I can’t help but think how selfish I am. Having this thought continually on my mind makes me tired.
Please take it away. Or help me become less selfish.
You can see how selfish I am! Even my prayers to you – like now – I pray for myself.
I can not remember the last time (if ever) I prayed for somebody else.
Now?
Now you say? I could start now?
This is a good idea. There is no better time to start then now.
Well firstly I would like to pray for my father. Please help my father to be less selfish. Help him to see his selfishness. During these school summer holidays, he has been arranging daily activities for some of the orphans at the orphanage he volunteers at.
He brings them around to our house and they are so noisy and disruptive. To make things worse, my father always comes and asks if I would like to help teach them woodworking, Chinese, classical guitar or some other activity that he has forced me to learn from an early age.
I find it most upsetting if I’m watching a movie. This happens most days because I usually watch 1 or 2 movies per day. His selfishness is making it difficult for me to meet my daily needs.
Please help my father to see his selfishness so he may deal with it effectively.
I’d also like to pray for my mother (praying for others is much easier than I thought it would be).
My mother! She’s also selfish. She is always trying to get me to learn all these life skills. Like my life really depends on them. She says she’s worried that I won’t have the necessary skills to look after my future wife. When in truth, I know she just wants me to do more house work or something so that she doesn’t have to do it herself.
She also makes me pay board to live under my own parents roof! She is my mother isn’t she? Aren’t parents supposeed to look after their kids? I think 32 is a good age to start paying board or move out. Don’t you think my request reaonsonable God?
Please talk to my mother about this.
Well thanks for inspiring me and teaching me to pray for others.
I feel much better already and much less selfish now.
Till next time,
~ Nathaniel
God! I need you!
You know I wish to be a blessing to others. But I find that I am unable to be a blessing even to my parents.
Tell me God, is this an attitude fault of mine or the fault of lacking means?
Perhaps both?
You know my heart better than me. Help me out a little, show me my heart, help me to be a blessing to my parents.
! Nathaniel
Dear God,
Tomorrow is the end of my freedom as I know it. After 5 years of freelancing, traveling and having full control over my schedule; tomorrow I find myself persuaded by circumstances and the owner of a print company to take a job.
Before I begin working, there are some issues I would like to talk through with you.
Obviously I will have less personal time than before and I hope that you open opportunities for me to complete my personal tasks during work hours. This will enable me to spend more time with my family after hours if I so wish to. If I don’t wish to spend time with them (which is most often the case) I have this spare time to spend at my leisure.
I hope god that you have prepared my future colleagues hearts there to accept me and love me so we can have an easy transition and so my work load will be minimal.
Lord you can see that many of my friends are already earning large wages. I pray Lord that You would grant me favour so that I may also have a salary as high as theirs. I pray You would give me the skills enabling me to surpass their wages even.
I ask for this, not for myself but so that my friends can see how You have blessed me that they would be urged in their hearts to convert to Christianity.
And Lord, I will need patience. Please supply me with this in abundance, because I know that I will have to put up with many incompetent fellow workers and bosses.
Lord, I won’t come see you for another 3 days. Tomorrow I will be far too tired after my first full day of work and the following day is a public holiday. I wish to make the most of it.
Actually maybe we can meet again in a week or so.
I’ll call you.
~ Nathaniel
My Loveliest Freedom,
(A letter to my ex lover - Freedom - I had to leave her when I took a full time job after freelancing for 5 years)
We’ve had a good run! I wish it could have lasted longer. Sincerely I do. This letter isn’t a palm off; please do not take it as such.
Truthfully, I love you. I really do. But you know… sometimes love just isn’t enough.
The future that is mine can no longer be sacrificed just so I can be with you indefinitely.
Our five years together will always be in my mind. Together we went so many places and did so many things that were always unusual and exciting.
And most importantly, you took care of me always - that is - as best as you know how.
And now I have something to teach you – please do not take this the wrong way, but use this to improve yourself for your future relationships.
Sometimes Freedom, you can be suffocating. And this is partially my fault as well. I was blinded by your easiness and your sensuality. I fell in love with you so badly that I sacrificed almost all I had to keep you by my side.
I also loved the attention that others would give me while we were together. Others also found you sensual and this made you even more sensual knowing that others wanted you.
A friend of mine once said that if she had you, that she would be “fully prepared to have you for life.”
To stay with you, I had to give up a lot. Now, I find that perhaps I have given up too much to keep you with me.
But I prefer to think - and I think it’s true - we have run our course and we’re both, ready for change. We are both ready for a new partner.
Though; I am certain that I will think of you often. I don’t’ flatter myself to think that you will think of me at all.
I will miss you for a very long time. For the rest of my life most probably and I never expect that I will ever have such a long affair with you again.
Perhaps from time to time we’ll have a short lived fling. But please keep it from my girlfriend. Girls detest lazy men.
You’ll forever be in my memories.
Love you,
~ Nathaniel.
This week I figured out what it takes to make a real man!
How you spend your day is really all that matters.
Get up and rush your morning, leaving just enough time to get ready and drive to work. This should be timed perfectly arriving to work 2.5 minutes prior to or after you’re due to start. This gives you a 5 minute window.
Believe me! There are thousands of men out there who can do this.
Spend all day at work. Try to sit in the same desk all day without moving. This proves that you have stamina. The man who sits without moving away from his desk longest, obviously is more masculine. It’s also great for your back and your heart.
While at work, make no effort ever to get to know your managers or your boss. This is called brown nosing and makes you look foolish with a bad attitude to well honed office social communication manners. Treating your manager as a human being will be treated as ‘brown nosing’ news by fellow colleagues.
Gossiping (the opposite of brown nosing) about your managers is far more useful and in many cases, seems to act as a miracle drug for breaking down social barriers. It also gets you kudos. If you get caught and get ‘off easy’ your kudos rating doubles.
The perfect time to leave work is right on 5pm or a couple of minutes before. Experienced men actually stop being productive at 4.30pm. I’ve even known some in my time, who stop being productive at 4pm.
Or you can leave after 7.30pm. But remember that this can appear to be brown nosing, so be sure to save meaty tid-bits for the next gossip session. This gets you more masculinity points because you sat in one spot longer than others but aren’t labeled as a brown noser.
After work, the gym is the only place you can go to earn more man points. Make sure you find a park as close to the entrance as possible. This makes it easier to get in and out of the gymnasium. It also minimizes the amount of time you have to spend walking.
The gym serves two purposes. You have a trainer who tells you how great you’re doing. All men know how hard it is to feel like a man without your gym trainer reminding you that you are a man.
Secondly: those muscles make you look like you work around the house and garden. Be sure to imply to others that you don’t actually work around the house and yard. You don’t want to look like a ‘kept’ man or a mama’s boy after all. This would seriously affect your man rating. It’s best to keep them teetering as to weather you do actually help out at home or not.
Arriving home with dinner on the table after your work-out is totally manly. This proves your manhood; because your woman (or mum) is looking out for you. Basically people understand that she respects you and cares for you so much because she knows you love her and spend quality time with her. The more time spent away from home but still having dinner prepared for you gains extra kudos for every 15 minutes away.
This is totally cool! Chicks dig it and it’s the easiest way to get those extra needed kudos.
The next day wake and do the same.
For work days, repeat as necessary.
Friday nights are best spent at the pub with friends. The later you stay and the more you drink; the better a friend you are to your mates.
Sunday is your day off. Watch sport, or spend time with friends. Don’t do anything else because tomorrow you work and preserving energy is necessary to earn manly ratings throughout the week.
Saturdays has an entire different set of rules but I’ve run out of space.
If you can’t wait for my article on ‘Gaining Manly Points on a Saturday’, go figure it out yourself.
Pretty much every toilet in Thailand has a sign which reads “Please help keep this toilet clean.”
So whenever I’m in Thailand taking a dump, I’m staring at this sign; wishing that I had a thick black marker to write an additional sentence.
So the sign would then read.
“Please help keep this toilet clean.
Don’t use it!”
Since global warming is the topic on so many lips, I thought a sign in English would be appropriate.
“Be green; relieve yourself outdoors!”
Many Chinese bathrooms also have a sign which usually reads…
“For urination only. No stools.”
I always have the urge to change the sign so it reads…
“For urination only. Leave your stools at home.”
Dear God,
I’m always talking at you. I love to talk I guess.
This time I’m just going to sit and listen to you.
…
……
………
Well, when you feel like talking, leave a comment.
~ Nathaniel
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